This post is going to take a lot out of me to write, so just a fair warning that it may get emotional as I write about this topic.
I found CASA, Court Appointed Special Advocates, to be an interest because of the desire to help children and families stay together, but today I was hit with a realization. I know my purpose, I don’t want to tear families apart but I do want to give children a voice that can be heard and get the right services for them! The focus though is keeping families together, having reunification with their children if safe to do so. I think a lot of people ask this question, “why would you want to put those children back in that environment?”. I understand, but the goal is to recommend (with CASA) services for the parents to help get their kids back to them.
As I mentioned, I had a realization today, in fact, about 20 minutes ago before writing this. I was looking at some pictures of my children from about 8-10 years ago. I have 3 children, my youngest wasn’t in these pictures because she wasn’t born. But my two older children were young, probably around 6-8 years old, maybe a bit younger.
Looking at these pictures, I became overwhelmed with this sadness and joy. Knowing that I will never be able to hug that little kid, take them out and go do things with them at that age ever again. Those moments are gone forever, but will always be memories I cherish, I love my children and still do everything I can for them each day. However, it’s those moments that are gone that make me sad.
I remember having Christmas one year and I couldn’t afford anything for my kids, I was a single dad and I have had full custody (legal and physical) of my two oldest for almost 10 years now. I struggled that year though really bad, I even did something stupid but at least it provided presents for the kids. I don’t know how many people know what Fingerhut is, but I made a huge order through them so that my kids could have a decent Christmas. I felt like a failure though, and I know it’s not about the presents, just being together is the most important part. Looking back at those pictures though, my kids weren’t unhappy, they were very happy with what little I could give. It’s a time I wish I could go back to, experience that love and warmth again, but I can’t.
The following year, and it was birthday week. Oddly, all three of my children were born within 7 days of each other, crazy I know! Their birthdays come only 3 months after Christmas, so it’s hard to catch up and make birthdays happen. This was one of those birthdays that I couldn’t get a cake, I just didn’t have the funds. I was working as much as I could and it wasn’t enough to pay the bills and make sure we had food and everything that we needed and have anything extra left over. I have this picture of my son standing over a Little Debbie’s brownie with a single candle in it, blowing it out. I tear up a bit when I look at some of these pictures, especially this one. It was cold out, winter was laid on thick with snow everywhere, we had a warm place to live, and my kids know how much I care and love them. I still feel bad though. That moment in life was so hard, but we managed to get through it. And again, I wish I could experience that moment again not to change it but because of the love in my children.
These moments I mention here are the reason I’m with CASA. I know that parents are going through things, I went through things, so I can relate, but only a little! Missing out on those moments with your kids is something you’ll regret if you don’t make a change now. I don’t have any regrets, I saw all the moments in my children’s lives from losing teeth, riding bikes, to having their first crush. Once these parents see their children age, they’re going to wish they had these moments while their still young. With CASA, I hope that my recommendations are enough to reunite when deemed safe to do so. The safety of children is the number one priority no matter what.
Something I’ve learned in my training over the past week at CASA, is that you cannot judge a person just because of what you see. If there is a pile of laundry on the floor, maybe mom and dad just washed it and haven’t had a chance to put it away, or when you hear that other kids aren’t getting presents for Christmas, it can break your heart. Maybe that’s not what’s important to that family, maybe it’s just spending time with each other that is what makes it important to them. I’ve learned to open myself up to this concept and it’s changing how I view the world, the people in it, and even my relationships with friends and family. People go through things, some times fall off the tracks and need help getting back on.
When you read this, please don’t think that I’m the parent who wanted material things for my kids to show that I love them. It wasn’t about that, it was about those moments that were memorable when we were in hard times and we made it through together.
Abuse of any kind, physical, emotional, sexual, etc. is not ok. If you or someone you know is being abused, please reach out to a local Child Protection Agency or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.